Those Phrases from A Dad Which Rescued Me when I became a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the challenges of fatherhood.

However the reality quickly turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The simple statement "You are not in a good spot. You need assistance. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his challenges are symptomatic of a broader inability to open up between men, who still internalise negative perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a sign of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to take a break - taking a few days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He came to see he required a change to consider his and his partner's emotional states alongside the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and interpret his decisions as a father.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without reliable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible choices" when younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a friend, your partner or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, staying active and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the safety and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I think my job is to teach and advise you what to do, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."